Do you think this would make a good childrens story?

this is how it goes: one day outsider ryan was playing.he was swinging on the swings. then it started to rain ryan went insideand found a box of old things.at first he was confused. about the junk down near his feet. then he saw what it did and he saw it was neat. the thing rose up out of the box. it was a robot ryan shouted hurray. both them ran out side and they play all day. soon he had to go to bed. ryan was full of sorrow. the robot just smiled and said i will be back tomorow. all that night ryan dreamed and thought. about hi best friend who was a robot.